Friday, October 24, 2008

Mean Girls

I'm so sad right now.  La Diva is struggling so much with someone who was supposedly her BFF. They had a great summer together and even made a time capsule with a BFF scrapbook to bury and dig up in 5 or 10 years.  Since school started and La Diva was made a patrol captain, along with the supposed BFF and 2 other classmates.  It has been total drama.  BFF is on some power trip and has become bossy, rude, critical and just downright mean.  It's classic social/verbal bullying which seems to start earlier and earlier with girls as the years go by.  I tried talking to BFF's Mom but we don't share the same views so it was a conversation that lead to no resolution.  She thinks they need to be left to work it out but I think she was seeing me as some helicopter parent and not seeing the severity of the situation.  When my DD is coming home in tears nearly every day it's just not right.  I asked her this week if she wanted me to talk to her teacher or if she felt comfortable doing so.  We also did some research and found some tools for her to use to try to deflect this nonsense.  We found a great site which I've passed along to the teacher called It's a Girl's World.  

She decided to talk to her teacher and the teacher was awesome and had a special "health" class for just the girls that very day.  However, mere hours after the class the "BFF" was again critcizing La Diva for her apparent incorrect cutting of something.  La Diva told her to stop talking to her like that, that she couldn't take it anymore and then excused herself to go to the washroom because she was on the verge of tears. She came home after school and dissolved into a puddle of tears.  I was so angry and ready to call the BFF myself and tear a strip off her.  We finally decided that she should call Mrs. BFF and maybe if she heard from La Diva directly she would be more inclined to see that there was a problem.  She ended up crying on the phone, which I told her was fine.  BFF had been telling her Mom that everything was perfect between her and La Diva.  So I don't know if anything will come out of that but she felt better for doing it. She asked if Mrs. BFF could ask her DD to just not speak to her if all that she could do was cut her down and tell her how wrong everything she does is.  She was honest and raw, sobs were genuine.

I also wrote a note to her teacher thanking her for her prompt action and informing her of the continued criticism mere hours later.  Our next stop will be the principal.  I'm heartsick that my tender hearted DD has been singled out to be the object of this girls jealousy, criticism and ridicule.  It's such an obvious case of social bullying and the pain that it causes is so deep.  La Diva is one that always stands up for the underdog but unfortunately no one seems to be standing up for her.

What would you do if this was your DD?  I feel so helpless and my heart hurts so badly for my precious girl.


  1. Oh, dear! I have no idea what I would do if this were my daughter, but I'm so sorry she (and, by extension, you) have to go through this. Big hugs to you both, and I hope there is some resolution sooner rather than later.

  2. I think you are both handling the situation with Grace and dignity. I am impressed that that teacher did what she did. Are there many other girls of C age? Is there a possibility she could invite another girl around and just have some good old fashion fun? (even if you have to do a cool movie, popcorn etc) I would try and foster other friendships. Unfortunately at the age C is, it seems to be important to have a BFF. Could you perhaps encourage her to have a group of friends? Are there any other girls outside school that she could foster friendships with?

    Girls are so cruel. I know C has a tender heart and it is almost as if BFF knows this too. I am praying this is not effecting her self esteem too much.

    Hugs and prayers
    - Janine

  3. I was verbally and socially bullying by my "Blood Sister" (we didn't call it BFF in those days) when I was a child. It left a very strong mistrust for women that has lasted into my middle years, but I didn't know why because we didn't have the language to identify it then. As a part of some growth work I was doing at Landmark Education it came to the front and has helped me learn to love and be vulnerable again.

    Note that this grows into adult form bullying that includes attacks on reputation by groups. We all need to keep watch on what we are doing all our lives.