Friday, January 30, 2009

Love is Patient...

1 Corinthians 13
1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I saw this in a local store and knew it was something I needed to have for our home. Sure it's an unusual bit of wall decor but it is also a constant reminder of what we need to walk out in our lives. My Hero surprised me with it for Christmas and I just love it! (I need some help with how to decorate the sofa table underneath it with but that's another post).

I've had a rough week- emotionally, spiritually and physically. I don't know if it's the shock of the loss of my friend, my grief for her children and husband or the cold weather or a combination of it all but I've been in really bad shape this week. Insomnia, lots of pain and an unsettled heart. Through it all the Hero has been very busy with work which has included meetings every night this week. I miss him and I count on him so much when my body is failing me. I am thankful for his understanding when I get like this. He truly shows me patience and unfailing love. I appreciate him so very much and my love for him grows daily.

With the absence of my Hero I've had much time for reflection and to seek HIM. It is truly something I have been trying to focus on more often. I've learned that in order for me to be healed that my body needs to be whole and that goes so far beyond the physical (funny how the lessons of a TCM doctor and acupuncturist can draw me closer to God, He truly can work in the most mysterious of ways). He has really been speaking to my heart and showing me some things I need to deal with that I thought were long over with. I don't know that I'm prepared to share it here at the moment but maybe when I'm more settled with these revelations in my own spirit.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Gotta love Google

Thanks to Google I get a lot of traffic from places around the globe. When people search for a review on an IKEA mattress they end up on my site. LOL My Top 10 list for 2008 talks about our Sultan Flokenes mattress. I wonder if I've generated any new sales for IKEA. It would be cool if you could track that and then maybe they'd show me their appreciation. You know how I love me some IKEA.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

How do I Honor you?

Tears are flowing freely in cyberspace and people are sharing who you were to them. There are declarations and plans to do something about this awful disease... some will follow through but many more will forget about it or make excuses when the time comes to walk or run, shave their head or gather pledges. The cards will be sent, the pink ribbons will fade, the avatars will disappear and the emotions of today will be forgotten by so many in the imaginary world that was so blessed by your presence.

How do I honor you? How do I make all that I learned from our friendship something that is everlasting?

  • I hold dear to those that I love. I hug them, I fight for them, I give them all of me. They stay my first priority.
  • I stand strong in my faith no matter what storm comes into my life. I gird myself with the promises that God has given us in His word so that I may stand firm and be a warrior like you.
  • I pray without ceasing and with great faith. I accept the answers to my prayers as His best for my life even when I don't understand them.
  • I look for the sunshine in each and every day. I fight hard to find joy in the midst of my darkest days.
  • I do not wallow in the trivial things of life. I make a choice to find answers and comfort in Him rather than pin my hopes on the things and people of this world.
  • I recognize that my journey is not my neighbors journey. I rejoice in the blessings of others and I do not mourn what I do not have. I find the value in my own blessings and show gratitude for every moment I have been given.
  • I cherish those that touch my life but I do not let their worries overtake me.
  • Even in my weakest moments I can show strength and grace, often unknown to me but it comes through because it is part of my character. You did this dear friend even when you were convinced that your whole world was unraveling around you and you could not overcome the fear that gripped your heart. When your head was telling you one thing, your heart was showing you as the warrior you were.
  • You said you wanted to show others God through this and you did that my friend by just being who you were. I pray that I can show others God through my life too.
  • I keep your dear husband and precious children close in heart and always in prayer.
  • God's voice thunders in marvelous ways;He does great things beyond our understanding. Job 37:5 This verse will be written upon my heart as one that you held tight to in battle.
I pray that I can walk my journey carrying all the wonderful things that came from our friendship. I pray that I will honor your beautiful life and the pieces that you gave to me by walking out all the things you poured into me. I am thankful that we will meet again one day.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Goodbye my Sweet Friend

I lost a friend today. I was never able to hug her or hold her hand, I've only seen pictures of her beautiful face and rarely heard her voice. We met years ago thanks to the internetz. Our love of God and being parents were the common threads that brought us to our meeting place. Our hearts were drawn to each other through circumstances of life... trials I had walked through that were similar to things she was experiencing in her own life and then things we walked through together. We laughed and cried together in our virtual world. We prayed for each other, encouraged one another, learned from one another. As much as the many miles seperated us she was an important part of my life.

Last spring she heard those horrible words "breast cancer" and my heart broke in a million peices that she would have to walk that road. ReNee was such a valiant fighter through it and late last year we were sure that she had the victory over it. But cancer had another plan and invaded other parts of her body in the last weeks of 2008. It was hard to read how it drained her of her strength. It was a call to battle for so many that loved her and we went to our knees petitioning God for her miracle. We saw victory in small gains and we knew she was fighting despite her weakened state. We had hope that this battle would be won in our way, that she would be healed and have an amazing testimony to share. But our ways are not His and He decided to take her home this morning. It's hard to process a loss like this. It's hard to understand why such a woman of faith, such a fighter, a mother of young children, a wife of a good man, and a dear, sweet friend would have to leave us.

She taught me so much through her strength and faith in the midst of her battle. She was a warrior and her grace in the face of this monster was so inspiring to me. From her I gained a whole new perspective on my own torment. I was spurred to fight for my healing rather than lay down and accept the diagnosis I had been given. I stopped mourning what once was and chose to create the best life I could out of the here and now. I chose to shed some bad habits, stop picking up the problems of the world that sent me spiralling into a pit of despair and made my heart and body sick, to value the important things and be free of the time wasters, to lose the drama, to love more purely, to hold onto my treasures more tightly, to do the work..... and so much more. ReNee's battle with this awful cancer changed my life for the better. I hate that she had to suffer one moment of pain. I hate that she ever had this diagnosis. I hate that her family is left hurting so deeply right now. I hate that she is gone from this earth too soon. In the midst of all that I hate about this disease, what it did to her and the hole that is left by her death I am so thankful that she was brought into my life and that she was my friend.

My heart hurts, my tears are many..... I will miss you dear friend.

John 14 1"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. 2In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. 3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4You know the way to the place where I am going."

Friday, January 23, 2009

Where did the week go?

It ran away from me.... again.... this seems to happen a lot! The Hero was really busy this week with some major meetings which turned out to be awesome! I'm so proud of him! He works so hard and deserves every bit of recognition, success and respect that he is getting from his industry.

La Diva is trying out for air band again so she and her girls were practicing. Turtle was home yesterday with a slight fever and an awful cough. He's still hacking but feels great so I sent him to school. He's good about coughing into his elbow and if my healthy kid got sick it's likely because his whole class has been passing it around anyway. I had my nail appointment this week which is always a fun visit with my hard working friend. Add in normal chores, feeling a bit sluggish, school meetings and PTA responsibilities and the week is gone.

I'm taking the weekend off and will try to come up with some more interesting blog posts for next week. Have a great weekend everyone!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


re·spon·si·bil·i·ty (r-spns-bl-t)
n. pl. re·spon·si·bil·i·ties
1. The state, quality, or fact of being responsible.
2. Something for which one is responsible; a duty, obligation, or burden.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000

"I must do something" always solves more problems than "Something must be done."
~Author Unknown

Monday, January 19, 2009

A New Day........

The news is filled with words about hope and renewal with the upcoming great moment in history. It's exciting to witness what many merely dreamed would come to pass. I don't want to take away from what this means but it gives me pause when I see how much is being laid upon the shoulders of this man. It is impossible for him to live up to the hopes and expectations that so many have placed on him in these turbulent times. It's just too much and he will surely disappoint many that are believing that he will be 'the one' who makes all the difference. There is already "One" in whom we should put our hope and our expectations. While he is not my President, I'm not an American, I will be praying for him, his family and for all those that have so much expectation and hope resting on the shoulders of a man.

For I know the plans
I have for you,' declares the Lord,

'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,'

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Behold, I will do a new thing.

Isaiah 43:19 NKJV

'The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.'

Psalm 126:3 NIV

'May the God of hope fill you will all joy and peace....'

Romans 15:13 NIV

'...I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.'

John 10:10

'...Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man,

the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him.'

I Corinthians 2:9 KJV

'...The Lord will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory.'

Isaiah 60:19 NIV

'Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?

I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.'

Isaiah 43:19 KJV

'Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ:

In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope...'

I Peter 1:3 NIV

'I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you...'

Ezekiel 36:26 NIV

'The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.'

Psalm 126:3 NIV

'The Lord will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory.'

Isaiah 60:`4 NIV

'Sing to the LORD a NEW song; sing to the LORD, all the earth,'

Psalm 96:1-2 NIV

'Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above...'

James 1:17 KJV

'Seek the Lord and His strength.

Seek His face continually.'

I Chronicles 16:11 KJV

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Power of Prayer

Today I am thankful that my dear friend ReNee is home from the hospital. She is a brave warrior who has been fighting a battle with cancer. I pray that she will continue to tolerate the chemo, that her energy will improve and that her nose bleeds will not return. I will continue to believe for her healing in the name of Jesus.

And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive. ~Matthew 21:22

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


I've been dealing with some frustration in my life for awhile now... my torment frustrates me, actions of others frustrate me, my kids sometime frustrate me, I frustrate me. I've been trying to get to the source of my frustration and break free of it. Today this scripture, particularly the Message's version of it really hit me:

Galatians 2:21 (The Message)

19-21What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that.

Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God's grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily.

I pray that I will be able to let go of the things that frustrate me and live my life free from the chains of the expectations of those that do not matter and even those that do. To live my life as I have been called to with joy in my heart and gratitude for even the things that bring me frustration.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Sleep... where r u??

I'm getting so tired of this insomnia kick I seem to be on of late. Tired... insomnia... late.....get it..... heh.... I told you I needed to sleep. I forgot to mention that Dr. X gave me some numbers to say randomly, when I get the urge... he said they would help when I can't sleep. I didn't really get it and forgot all about it until I was tossing and turning upstairs a few moments ago. So what numbers popped into my head??? 8675309......if you are old like me those numbers might trigger a memory for you. If you are young than fuhgettaboutit. lol Now I am not only battling insomnia but I have an earworm of Jenny rattling around in my head.

You are very welcome because I know you have that stuck in your head now too. :P

Monday, January 12, 2009

12 on the 12th

My dear friend, J9, is a talented and crafty woman. She had decided to do 12 on the 12th as one of her scrapbook challenges this year. She will take 12 pictures of her day on the 12th of each month and document them through her gift of scrapbooking. I am rather craft impaired and have not been able to jump into the crackbooking phenomena. I do think that her challenge is an awesome idea so I will try to rise to the challenge by blogging 12 things about my day on the 12th of each month. Be forewarned that it could induce a coma for boredom bwahahahaha.

January 12, 2009

1. Appointment with Dr. X for 2 hours. I had a victory today, I hope, in my communication with him and was able to listen to my own meditation music on my iPod rather than his TCM tape. I had a great time of prayer and just talking to God. I even had tears running down my face at one point and was at peace for the first time since I've started this form of alternative therapy for my torment. I hope that we had a breakthrough in our communication. He told a new patient that we were friends now because we worked together to help me in my healing. ;)

2. Came home and chilled for a bit. I'm supposed to take it easy the day of my treatment so I took advantage of that rule. I only threw in 1 load of laundry and made a strata for dinner tonight. Eventually I made it to the shower to rinse my hair as part of my treatment is a steam with herbal solution on my head. My hair is pretty sexy when I'm done with that. ;)

3. Cleaned out a terra cotta pot from a plant that the Hero killed on NYE because he was BBQing, it was sitting near the patio which was being open and closed in -35+ C weather. Then I attempted to make an arrangement with some silk flowers I have kicking around. I know there are some real haters when it comes to silk but the winter is looooooooooonnnngggg here and I'm not a millionaire who can have fresh flowers bi-weekly. After taking the Christmas decorations down the living room looks sparse. I got an awesome gift from the Hero for Christmas so we took down my picture wall so we could hang it. I love it (will post a picture later... we got a Rebel over the holidays and I am clueless how to operate the thing let alone upload..... stop laughing... I am really that technotarded).

4. Checked emails, read my blog subs and forums.

5. Had a moment with my Hero when he came home from a meeting *blush*

6. Talked to my kids about their school day.

7. Made lunches... blah... one of my least favorite chores.

8. Reviewed sight words with Turtle.

9. Read with Iceman.

10. Discussed La Diva's new psycho classmate..... UGH. Upside is that the class is so large with the influx of new students that they are splitting them into 2. She had the other teacher last year and I adore her so I'm fine whichever class she ends up in. Mrs. W will be her math teacher no matter which class she is in so that is a good thing because she totally preps those kids for junior high math.

11. Watched the Bachelor ( never watched it before last year and got hooked on Jason's story, yeah I know it's total trash TV) and waiting to watch 24... so happy that Jack is back!!

12. Hope to have a good sleep with no insomnia!

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Thankful Thursday!!

1. My massage therapist... she is an angel and ministers to not only my body but to my spirit. I'm so blessed that God led me to her.

2. Today I'm wearing my 4th pair of jeans in a week that I can pull down without unzipping or un buttoning. That means they are too big!!! That means I'm shrinking again!! Woot!!! It also means I need to wear a belt all the time but that will do until I go shopping for some new clothes. I had bought some fleece lined jeans and thought it was a fluke that I fit in them. You see they were from a regular store not a fat broad store and are a regular size... not a size with a W (that's for Wideload in my head, seriously could they come up with anything less obvious???) after it! Feeling a little proud of myself and doing a happy dance.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Rising Up

I had a spiritual breakthrough in the end of November and since then the words "rise up" keeping running through my mind. I've been spending a lot time contemplating what that means. I don't know that I've come to a full understanding of it yet but I do believe I'm getting there.

Part of that has been having to say goodbye to a place that has been home to me on the internetz for about 5 years. It was not a decision that I came to lightly and I've come to realize it was long overdue. It has been a place where friendships have been found and lost, tears have been shed, joy, sadness, frustration, heartbreak, love, respect and wisdom has been shared. I've been ministered to and been called to minister. I was even once a "moderator". I leave there with many warm memories and the knowledge that true friendships formed will remain to be. My season has passed, I must be obedient and move on to continue to grow in my journey to be all I can be. It's hard to say goodbye but I feel confident that this is the right choice and that it is a pivotal part of the next phase of my journey.

Arise, Shine; for your light has come! And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you. Isaiah 60:1

To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
A time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal ...
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance ...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

With a Heavy Heart....

I've not been able to muster up a blog post that doesn't seem pointless or trivial. I was working on a word for 2009 but that isn't coming to pass. I've had a setback in my torment and after such an energetic and relatively pain free December it has hit me hard. I'm impatient and frustrated and was totally feeling sorry for myself.

Was.... until I received news that a dear friend who we thought had won the victory in her battle with breast cancer is now fighting for her life with cancer spread to her bone marrow. I'm devastated at this news and was struggling to remain hopeful so that I can pray for her miracle. I thought I came up to the other side from devastation to hope but today after reading her DH's report it totally crushed my spirit. They have resigned themselves to the fact that this will take her life and are hoping for the chemo to prolong it for awhile. It was as if the hope was sucked out of my sails this morning and I've been struggling all day with the weight of this news.

I am not walking in their shoes and I cannot begin to imagine the rollercoaster of emotions this news has brought upon this dear family. I am completely useless to them in a practical way because they live in another country. All I can do is pray for her healing to come in God's timing and in His way. I must pray for her family and all those that love her, for their hearts to be prepared for what may be. I struggle between thinking that hope is lost and believing that she will be one that recieves a miracle. That this horrible journey will be a testimony for His Glory.

I can also honor what my friendship with this dear woman has done for me by not being frustrated with my own "torment" (seems like such a dramatic word to use for what I deal with compared to something that could take her life). I can have courage to push through the rough days, to make use of the sleepless nights in some constructive way, to hold tight to my blessed life and not sweat the small stuff. I can honor all that she has taught me by her remarkable strength and warrior spirit by living my life the best way I can.

I love you dear friend and I am believing that you will get your miracle. May your time with your family be of great blessing and somehow full of joy in the midst of this horrible trial.