With a Heavy Heart....

I've not been able to muster up a blog post that doesn't seem pointless or trivial. I was working on a word for 2009 but that isn't coming to pass. I've had a setback in my torment and after such an energetic and relatively pain free December it has hit me hard. I'm impatient and frustrated and was totally feeling sorry for myself.

Was.... until I received news that a dear friend who we thought had won the victory in her battle with breast cancer is now fighting for her life with cancer spread to her bone marrow. I'm devastated at this news and was struggling to remain hopeful so that I can pray for her miracle. I thought I came up to the other side from devastation to hope but today after reading her DH's report it totally crushed my spirit. They have resigned themselves to the fact that this will take her life and are hoping for the chemo to prolong it for awhile. It was as if the hope was sucked out of my sails this morning and I've been struggling all day with the weight of this news.

I am not walking in their shoes and I cannot begin to imagine the rollercoaster of emotions this news has brought upon this dear family. I am completely useless to them in a practical way because they live in another country. All I can do is pray for her healing to come in God's timing and in His way. I must pray for her family and all those that love her, for their hearts to be prepared for what may be. I struggle between thinking that hope is lost and believing that she will be one that recieves a miracle. That this horrible journey will be a testimony for His Glory.

I can also honor what my friendship with this dear woman has done for me by not being frustrated with my own "torment" (seems like such a dramatic word to use for what I deal with compared to something that could take her life). I can have courage to push through the rough days, to make use of the sleepless nights in some constructive way, to hold tight to my blessed life and not sweat the small stuff. I can honor all that she has taught me by her remarkable strength and warrior spirit by living my life the best way I can.

I love you dear friend and I am believing that you will get your miracle. May your time with your family be of great blessing and somehow full of joy in the midst of this horrible trial.