I lost a friend today. I was never able to hug her or hold her hand, I've only seen pictures of her beautiful face and rarely heard her voice. We met years ago thanks to the internetz. Our love of God and being parents were the common threads that brought us to our meeting place. Our hearts were drawn to each other through circumstances of life... trials I had walked through that were similar to things she was experiencing in her own life and then things we walked through together. We laughed and cried together in our virtual world. We prayed for each other, encouraged one another, learned from one another. As much as the many miles seperated us she was an important part of my life.
Last spring she heard those horrible words "breast cancer" and my heart broke in a million peices that she would have to walk that road. ReNee was such a valiant fighter through it and late last year we were sure that she had the victory over it. But cancer had another plan and invaded other parts of her body in the last weeks of 2008. It was hard to read how it drained her of her strength. It was a call to battle for so many that loved her and we went to our knees petitioning God for her miracle. We saw victory in small gains and we knew she was fighting despite her weakened state. We had hope that this battle would be won in our way, that she would be healed and have an amazing testimony to share. But our ways are not His and He decided to take her home this morning. It's hard to process a loss like this. It's hard to understand why such a woman of faith, such a fighter, a mother of young children, a wife of a good man, and a dear, sweet friend would have to leave us.
She taught me so much through her strength and faith in the midst of her battle. She was a warrior and her grace in the face of this monster was so inspiring to me. From her I gained a whole new perspective on my own torment. I was spurred to fight for my healing rather than lay down and accept the diagnosis I had been given. I stopped mourning what once was and chose to create the best life I could out of the here and now. I chose to shed some bad habits, stop picking up the problems of the world that sent me spiralling into a pit of despair and made my heart and body sick, to value the important things and be free of the time wasters, to lose the drama, to love more purely, to hold onto my treasures more tightly, to do the work..... and so much more. ReNee's battle with this awful cancer changed my life for the better. I hate that she had to suffer one moment of pain. I hate that she ever had this diagnosis. I hate that her family is left hurting so deeply right now. I hate that she is gone from this earth too soon. In the midst of all that I hate about this disease, what it did to her and the hole that is left by her death I am so thankful that she was brought into my life and that she was my friend.
My heart hurts, my tears are many..... I will miss you dear friend.