Kodiak is turning into a bear

We've had temps from 9 - 15 Celsius this week which means that Kodiak has been in shorts all week. His legs will rarely see pants until about October. It would appear that over the winter his hormones have kicked in big time covering his legs with manly man hair instead of the boyish fuzz that used to be there. About a month ago he had to shave his upper lip for the first time too. It looks due for another pass of the razor. A month between shaves is probably not too serious but it's all too much for this Momma. My first born is seriously morphing from boy to man. I'm SO not ready for this.

Salsa Chicken Bake

I've been trying to use up the things I have in my pantry. The prices of fresh produce are through the roof right now so I've been using more frozen or canned things than I usually do in my cooking. Last night's creation was as follows:

Ingredients: (measurements are all approximates I just threw it together)

9 Boneless, skinless chicken thighs
2 cups basmati rice (we bought one of those huge bags on sale so I'm using this alot these days)
1 can of black beans
2 cups frozen corn
1/2 jar of salsa (1 + cup)
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1/2 cup sour cream

Cook basmati in rice cooker. Brown chix thighs in olive oil, season to your taste. Add salsa and roughly 1/2 cup water (chix broth would be tastier but I didn't have any on hand) and simmer. In a 9x13 glass pan layer cooked rice, beans, corn and then top with chix thighs, pouring any sauce over. Top with shredded cheddar that has been mixed with sour cream. Bake til cheese is bubbly and dish is heated through (roughly 20 minutes in 350 F oven).

It was a hit with the whole crew which is no small feat. Iceman gave it 10 stars and even Turtle gave it a thumbs up which is nothing short of a miracle with him lately (Mr. Picky all of a sudden). Kodiak and the Hero added some Franks Lime Hot Sauce to pump up the heat. They all said they'd like me to make it again.

Laryngitis??

Do you ever feel like you've lost your voice? Not in the my throat is sore kind of way but in the I can't make myself heard, no one cares what I have to say kind of way?

Struggling through this thing called fibromyalgia has not been an easy road for me. With it comes feelings of failure, guilt and often hopelessness. I can't seem to resign myself to this new path of being nearly crippled, often of less than sound mind with a head full of muddled thoughts, lapses in memory, fighting through a cloud of nonsense, frustration with wanting to do things but knowing that the cost is often to high to push through and get it done. I'm a doer, a servant by heart and when I'm unable to do for others I feel utterly useless. I feel like most people just think I'm lazy or a hypochondriac or someone who is not worth the effort of knowing. I've let relationships fall aside because I feel like I have nothing to offer, that these people are better off without this version of me or I simply can no longer handle the drama or stress that can come from trying to maintain certain relationships. Drama gives me stress, stress makes me physically sick which makes me useless to my family which then fills me with despair about my inability to overcome this thing.

Being incapable of doing all that I used to do for people makes me less relevant in their lives. I don't know how to define myself without being able to be the encourager, the helper, the intercessor, the one who holds others up. I've never been one who is good at putting themselves first. I'm a great martyr and have spent my life sacrificing many of my dreams, wants and needs for the good of others. Now if I don't focus on what my body needs first than I have even less to give to my family. If I don't take "me" into consideration than I have nothing for them. There is no amount of pushing myself that can get it done.

I really don't know where to find my voice again. How to be me without the doing?

Ker - works = no value

I am sure of a few things - my salvation, the love of my husband and most of the time the love of my children. That should be enough but it isn't. I miss being heard, I miss being valued and needed, I miss feeling like I was making a difference in my world. I wish I knew how to find my new voice.

No need to comment. I can't figure out how to close the comments on this post or I would do that.

Meatballs

I just finished rolling about 50 meatballs. I made them rather large or I'd still be rolling. I have some pain in my right forearm, elbow shoulder today- fibro related but I have good energy today so I wanted to take advantage of that despite the discomfort. The crew were at my parents for half of spring break and when they returned yesterday they came with meat from my Uncle's farm. The packages of ground beef were huge and someone left 2 out for me to cook dinner with today. (We usually need 2 pkgs. of store bought ground beef for a meal so it was an honest mistake). Now I will be able to freeze several batches of meatballs for future meals.... yeah!

I've never followed a recipe when making meatloaf or ground beef and just kind of throw together what suits my fancy that day or what I have on hand. Today's batch consisted of onion soup mix, worcestershire, dijon, chopped garlic, a dollop of good horseradish, some seasoning, a couple of eggs and leftover basmati rice for binding.

Do you follow a recipe or throw it all together? Care to share your favorite combination? What kind of sauce do you like your meatballs in?

For my fellow 'The Office' loving peeps...

You have to check out this contest over at Office Tally. It is hysterical. I think my favorite is Beach Games by Simon . Which one is your favorite?