Thursday, February 28, 2008

Light Bulb Moments

I've been on a tumultuous journey the past several years in regards to my faith. My belief in God is solid. My relationship with Him is consistent despite those ebbs and flows that come with life. However, my adventures with church have been less than satisfying.

We've done a ton of "church shopping" as a result of our many moves over the years. It has been a long while since we have found a place of worship that we felt connected in. There are so many ideas of what "church" should be and so many rules about what makes one a good "christian". It is really hard to find a place of love, fellowship and worship. I know that is such a sad statement but unfortunately it is very true. I could go on with a long list of the negative things we have found in our search for a church home but I don't see how that would be productive to me or anyone reading this. We've taken a break of almost a year from this frustrating experience. Lately I've been feeling much guilt and condemnation about our lack of church attendance. Along with those feelings comes the dread of beginning that search again. It's exhausting, it's frustrating and it can be damaging to one's walk with God.

God works in amazing ways and gives you exactly what you need precisely when you are ready to receive it. This came to me in a profound post on Faith is Messy, a blog I recently added to my reader. Laura really gets it. She spoke to my heart in ways that I cannot begin to express. I'm so thankful that I found her blog and for the way that this particular post has ministered to me. Thank you Laura. I look forward to following your journey as I continue on mine.


  1. Oh wow, does Laura get it or what. I'll let you into a little secret, I don't like going to church. There I have said it. Its too big, too many people, I get pushed into things and then questioned why I am not doing more ministry now I am a SAHM... I could go on. Thankfully I do love some of the people that go there and we have an amazing childrens programme that once Olivia is old enough I will go with her. Till then I hang in, and try to find every excuse in the book not to go.

    Big hugs hon

  2. I'm so glad the post helped. I almost didn't even post it, in fact I just left a comment explaining that I was even wondering if I should keep blogging until a friend told me to get on it and write. The response already has been strong.

    I feel like I'm on a crazy journey & I promise to keep writing all the stuff I run into. I know we all need this. I totally understand how Janine feels too. God's passion for us is much simpler than the church makes it on us. We shouldn't badger each other into church service. There is much freedom and simplicity to Christ than the religion we run around advertising. Thanks for the comment!

  3. Thank you for posting this Ker and linking to Laura's post, so helpful in verbalizing what I've been feeling.

    As you know I've struggled with my faith for awhile, and when I returned to the church I didn't find what I was really needing - God and Christ. All I found was a bunch of people that thought church was just a social event, the who's who of the neighborhood, a particular ministry or event. If you weren't a part of these, you weren't a part of the group. It left a very bad taste in our mouths. Thus we have been searching, but I hesitate on a new "place," because it just seems like a different place, same old thing.

    I always thought your faith was suppose to fill you up, and that a church helped one find that. All I find is the same thing you can find everywhere else you see in your daily life - politics, cliches and greed. I need more.

  4. czamama,

    i completely understand! You might enjoy these books- .

    george barna- revolution: worn out on church? finding vibrant faith beyond the walls of the sanctuary

    jim palmer- divine nobodies

    rob bell- velvet elvis

    All of them seem to understand exactly what you are saying and might give us all good insights on moving forward without the politics.

    I know some of my most amazing revelations have been reading books!