Friday, June 20, 2008

Where do you run?

A short time ago someone mentioned a phrase that has stuck in my head ever since. I have the tendency to chew on things for awhile, let them roll around in my head and my heart until I determine why it's sticking with me or touching me.

I've had to deal with some personal challenges lately that have had me in out of control mode. I don't like chaos so I don't do well in this mode, it sends me into a panic. A recent challenge involved some dredging of some very painful past memories and I know I cried "Why God, why now?" It was not something I wanted to remember at all let alone relive. My first instinct when hit with this challenge was to seek comfort. I knew that I couldn't get through this in my own strength, I knew that I needed to give it to God- completely and totally. Unfortunately I chose to seek out the comfort of people. My Hero was away during this time and I felt completely alone. I ran straight to my support system and begged for prayer. That in itself is not a bad thing but it should not have been my first destination, my gut reaction was to go where I would see or audibly hear words of comfort coming back to me. The result of this action was temporary relief and being lulled into a false sense of everythings gonna be alright. I ran to my friends, I ran to strangers online, I ran to my Hero but I did not run to God and pour my heart out to Him. I did not crawl up into His lap and say I need you to help me through this, I need you to free me from this torment, I need YOU to comfort me and tell me that everythings gonna be alright. I did not let myself be still long enough to listen to what He had for me. I panicked, I was afraid and I ran in 100 different directions trying to keep it all together.

I've finally found my freedom from this nightmare from the past. It came not from my Hero, my friends or imaginary strangers... it came from my Heavenly Father who has all the answers to the trials and challenges of my life. He cares about every one of them... no matter how trivial or small. He sits there patiently waiting for me to come to Him, weeping at my unnecessary suffering at my own hand, ready to wrap His arms around me and give me what I need.So thank you for the phrase through which I found freedom and healing: Go to the THRONE and not the phone (or internet or text).

Where do you run?

In Him,


1 comment:

  1. What an awesome reminder as to where my strength and hope comes from. I too am guilty at not running till God. I often feel like I exhaust my other options first. Keeping you in my preyers! (hugs)