I need more spoons!!!

I should have known better than to get so hopeful, to think that I may have found a way to manage this crap. I should of known that my spoon supply was not endless. I was feeling so good, life seemed normal for awhile.... I felt normal for awhile. Now wham... I feel like I'm back at the starting line again. I hurt, I hurt so bad I can't sleep. I'm tired. I'm grouchy from trying to push through the pain. I want answers and my doctor is on maternity leave and her partner in the clinic, who happens to be her DH, was a complete a$$ when I went for my last results. He wanted to prescribe some anti-d (you would love all the horrendous side effects of the one he mentioned especially considering my great med tolerance and past experiences). He also suggested I get a personal trainer do some hard core weight training and aerobics, that I would need to simply push through the pain. Um yeah... let me kick you in the junk and watch you push through the pain and then we'll talk. When the aerobics in my bedroom can put me down for days I don't think that a personal trainer is going to help me in my current state. I managed to get a script for massage therapy and physiotherapy from him. I'm just frustrated. I had finally found a doctor who didn't look at me like I was some pill seeker, crackpot with an imaginary ailment... how dare she have a baby now... I'm only kidding, I'm happy for her she's a lovely woman, but man.... I'm frustrated.

I'm tired of trying to see my lesson in this, to find that rainbow, to keep positive, to explain to my family why I'm not feeling well.... yet again. I think 2 of my triggers are stress and weather. We've had some drama in this insane little town and the weather has been wild. Not sure how to avoid weather but I can learn to not get so worked up about things that I have no control over. I have to learn how to care about stuff without allowing it to hurt me in a way that affects my health.

Meantime... I need more spoons!!!!