Saturday, April 12, 2008

Eeyore Syndrome- Part 1

I spend the first part of my morning sitting in front of a little blue light for 30 minutes. It's the magic sunshine that has made this winter one of more hope filled days than those crawl back in bed and hide under the covers til spring comes kind of days. I'm very thankful for this light and it's calming blue waves. I check my email, read my devotion, read my blogroll, peruse the news and pop into a couple of forums I visit while I bask in the blue glow. Why do I share this with you? So you know that I understand the battle of depression. I suffered from horrible post partum depression which went undiagnosed until I had a total breakdown after Turtle was born. I was on anti-depressants for many years and rode the doom and gloom train for much longer than I care to admit. I did much of this alone while the Hero was away working and trying to do whatever he could to make a better life for our family. I did it without any real life support. I was blessed to find love and support from an amazing group of inmates/imaginary friends who became the sisters of my heart. I also discovered that I suffered from SAD (seasonal depression) which is the reason for the blue light.

Through all my days of doom and gloom I was always able to pull it together and offer hope to others, to find bright spots to pull me through, to be still and know that God had not forgotten me, was not punishing me, was right there with me. I became quite the intercessor during those days. For me to lift up the needs of others helped me to find hope in my own situation, to realize that the grass isn't always greener, to seek joy despite my circumstances.

I somehow made little goals for myself and plans to get me through the bad days. I did my best to take action and not wallow in the pit of gloom that was overtaking my life at the time. I found that taking the focus off of the cards that had been dealt to me and loving on other people gave me purpose and the ability to move forward. I had to fight to get well for my children (remember I was sole caregiver for them for much of the time with the Hero gone 15+days and then home for 5), for my Hero (I'd crash into a heap of mush on those 5 days home and he was frustrated that he couldn't fix me) but mostly I had to get well for me. I was not living the life I deserved and I had to take action to get to that place. Only I could get the healing I needed because I am in control of the choices I make.

Now I have control over my illness, can recognize what sends me into the pit and takes steps to prevent it. Life is blessed. Not all my days are mountain top ones but the ones in the pit are few and far between. I usually slap myself upside the head in a big way and have a Thankful Thursday, count my blessings and take a my life doesn't suck because inventory. Through it all I've become good at recognizing people who are in pit, those that walk around with Eeyore syndrome. The cloud of doom is forever over their heads, they walk with the weight of the entire world upon them, their eyes don't sparkle and it becomes draining to be around them. They suck the joy out of every situation with their negativity and reactions to their situations. They see the green grass on the other side but they don't see all the water, fertilizer and tender care it took to grow that grass that they covet. They say things like "when such and such happens I'll have time to... or my life will have less stress.. or I'll be happy" . The truth be told they won't be happy. They won't be happy until they get to the place of being content with the now, learn to forgive themselves and let go of past mistakes and stop looking for an imaginary future of money trees, vacations, perfect children, adoring spouses, jobs they love or whatever they think is the magic pill of happiness. They will still be miserable and the cloud will still be hanging over them even if they are standing on that green grass they longed for. We can change our circumstances as much as we want but those circumstances will not change us. That change comes from within. Can you find that change within you? Don't know where to start? Stay tuned for more on Eeyore.

Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.
~Nikos Kazantzakis

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I love this in your article:

    I found that taking the focus off of the cards that had been dealt to me and loving on other people gave me purpose and the ability to move forward