Recently I've discovered the british show "How to Look Good Naked" . There is an american version , which I watched today for the first time, but I find the host of the british one, Gok Wan, to be more edifying. I've watched several episodes and have been struck at how women of all shapes and sizes, including those with bodies some of us would be thrilled with have such low opinions of themselves, self-loathing and lack of confidence. It really shows how our perceptions of ourselves come out in every aspect of of our lives- how we care for ourselves, dress, walk, talk and act. By showing these women how to love who they are and see themselves as others really see them their entire persona is transformed. Not only are they able to accept their perceived flaws but they are left with the inner courage to be proud of who they are. Their inner self shines through and their love of self makes them more beautiful than any makeover, weight loss program or plastic ever could.
I could sit on the couch and dream about being chosen to be on the show and have Gok transform me into a beautiful woman. I'd be sitting and dreaming for a long while. I could take the things these women learn to heart and I could try to look at myself more objectively. I can chose to look at myself through my Hero's eyes. He is constantly telling me I'm a hottie or sexy or grabbing my bum. He did this 40 lbs ago, 60 lbs ago, through swollen ankles and 4 pregnancies, through leaky boobs, bloated belly, beyatchy moods, zit breakouts and depression. I am just finally starting to listen, to really take it in and learn to love my body and myself for what I have and who I am. I'm learning to not hide when a camera comes out or crop myself out of pictures of the crew. I'm also learning to take steps to make myself healthy, to not set impossible goals for myself, to become the best me not the best magazine cover or twiggy women in my town.... to be healthy and happy no matter what store I have to shop in or what the world's opinion of me.
I try to teach my children that inner beauty is what is most important. To not judge people by the clothes they wear, how they look on the outside but to let who they are inside, what they stand for, how they behave as the measure of who they are. Someone has told Iceman that his Mom is fat and he was very hurt by that because he knew it was a mean spirited thing to say. He doesn't see me that way. He sees me as his Mommy and he has told me since I've been losing weight to not get too skinny because then I wouldn't be a soft cuddler anymore. They have friends of all different shapes and sizes. They get it, I need to start taking what I'm preaching to heart and applying it to myself. I see the beauty in others who don't love themselves but I also need to see that same beauty in me.
I owe it to myself and to those that love me to be the best that I can be. That starts with falling in love with myself. I hope any of you that have any doubt about how beautiful you are will join me so that we may all be able to proclaim " I look good naked!!!"
"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same." ~ Carlos Castaneda